Gorbachev advertises for Louis Vuitton. The world is stumped, and so am I.

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Here’s something to spice up of one of the most humdrum, blah days of the week, Tuesday:

The Louis Vuitton ‘Feerique’ T-strap sandal ($855 at eLuxury) has a 5.25 golden-plated cut-out heel and matching bling on the buckle. The occasions on which you could wear this are countless: gallivanting with the three to five male models at a party on your personal yacht; luxuriating backstage in a VIP lounge with the rock stars; competing for Hugh Hefner’s attention at a Playboy party; or throwing an expensive beverage in Liberty’s face as a cast member of Footballers’ Wives, to name just a few. Any lesser occasion and they would be a little bit overkill–don’t you think?

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It’s that time of year. Arguably the most important display of couture and ready-to-wear looks for the upcoming season. And of course, fashion week in Paris brings with it all manner of shoes, from the fantastic to the frightful. Here are a few noteworthy inclusions.

Two by the master of over-the-top fashion, the one and only John Galliano whom I adore.

Louis Vuitton:

it hurts me just to look at these. Look at how the models’ feet are so oddly crammed into those shoes that they bulge out over the vamp. Ouch.

Lanvin:

Miu Miu:

Nina Ricci:

No two ways about it, this is the ugliest shoe I can think of in recent memory. Yuck!

I’ll add more as I keep poking through the ranks of photos. But in the meantime, I think that’s enough footwear that’s so ridiculous as to be almost literally unwearable.

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Ok, so I know I saw these shoes before, in an ad, perhaps, and I though it was a joke, ha-ha, how funny, shoes without insole, absolutely zero arch support, and extremely high heel, no doubt, an ironic commentary on the tortures of fashion and the lengths women are willing to go to in order to be cutting-edge fashionable. Point taken, indeed.

Only, of course, it wasn’t a satirical jab at our fashion mores, but an earnest…what should I call it…creation, intended to, well, sell among the LV afficionados. The Louis Vuitton Extreme Babouche Hole Pump goes for $640 on eLuxury, and needless to say, I must give it a most vigorous wag of the finger, a la Stephen Colbert. If you do want to torture yourself, trust me, there are plenty of other methods that won’t cost a small fortune.

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