Growing up, my mom forewarned me to stay away from mixing patterns.  She does not have issues with the trend and certainly believed that, if done right, it could open up an outfit to a number of creative, fun, and finished looks.  However, she understood me well - I was, and in many ways still am, a fashion novice.   Had I decided to mix up my patterned clothing, it is likely that I would have looked like I had dressed in the dark.

And that’s my first impression when I saw these Louis Vuitton Olivia pumps ($680 at Eluxury).  The effort was admirable, but mixing patterns is so difficult to do right. Most attempts, like this one, are pretty bad.    Colorwise, the concoction works for me - the leaves on the floral print are of a similar earthy hue to the brown cap toe.  However, the striped cap toe is incredibly distracting and does not gel with the flowery print.  The net effect is a floral pattern that looks like old wallpaper and a captoe that resembles cardboard paper.  It’s incredibly mismatched for me so this is one luxury item I feel like I can do without.

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When the fug girls posted this image of Lily Allen wearing these Louis Vuitton wedge/stilettos (welettos?) (stiledges?), I thought “Oh that kooky Lily Allen has done it again. Yet another crazy accessory.

But then the Project Rungay boys posted an image of Heidi Klum wearing the same shoes! And she wore the on the red carpet of the Victoria Secret Angels Fashion Show Afterparty. A time when you would think “sexy” would be the key word. The words these suckers conjure for me are “confusing,” “split-personality,” and “Why?!?” From a distance they just look like giant clodhoppers interrupting the line of Heidi’s insanely long legs. Up close they are just weird. Here they are on Heidi:

My opinion is pretty clear here. But what do you think? Obviously designers have been going to great lengths to make new and unusual shapes in shoes. Is this stepping over the line? What’s next?

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Gorbachev advertises for Louis Vuitton. The world is stumped, and so am I.

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Here’s something to spice up of one of the most humdrum, blah days of the week, Tuesday:

The Louis Vuitton ‘Feerique’ T-strap sandal ($855 at eLuxury) has a 5.25 golden-plated cut-out heel and matching bling on the buckle. The occasions on which you could wear this are countless: gallivanting with the three to five male models at a party on your personal yacht; luxuriating backstage in a VIP lounge with the rock stars; competing for Hugh Hefner’s attention at a Playboy party; or throwing an expensive beverage in Liberty’s face as a cast member of Footballers’ Wives, to name just a few. Any lesser occasion and they would be a little bit overkill–don’t you think?

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It’s that time of year. Arguably the most important display of couture and ready-to-wear looks for the upcoming season. And of course, fashion week in Paris brings with it all manner of shoes, from the fantastic to the frightful. Here are a few noteworthy inclusions.

Two by the master of over-the-top fashion, the one and only John Galliano whom I adore.

Louis Vuitton:

it hurts me just to look at these. Look at how the models’ feet are so oddly crammed into those shoes that they bulge out over the vamp. Ouch.

Lanvin:

Miu Miu:

Nina Ricci:

No two ways about it, this is the ugliest shoe I can think of in recent memory. Yuck!

I’ll add more as I keep poking through the ranks of photos. But in the meantime, I think that’s enough footwear that’s so ridiculous as to be almost literally unwearable.

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