Not Shoeblog, that’s for sure–and hopefully, not you, dear readers and shoe-lovers. We know you crave a happy, well-adjusted, and well-fitted shoe, appropriate for all your spring needs; we know you don’t want to be either dowdy or so sweet they could send you into a diabetic comma. So here, let’s contemplate a few of the season’s offerings in terms of the floral trend. We’re looking for, say, a sweet-and-sour with a side of hot-and-spicy (as opposed to sweet-on-sweet with a side of bland). Let’s see!

These Maloles “Perry” slingback flats, in a tiny floral print, feature the classic ruched-toe we’ve come to expect from Maloles, and a chunky black ribbon to balance the sweetness with a dark side ($318 at Zappos, or $295 at Plaza Too+S&H).

The saccharine overtones of the antique floral pattern of this “retrofitted flat” is tempered by the cord piping and rope laces with leather tassels ($78 at Anthropologie):

And also at Anthropologie, and also in the non-bank-breaking  bracket, are these  cute ankle-strap flats, with a dark, stormy edge ($68):

These “Tarantella” wedges limit the floral pattern to discreet patches on the vamp and heel, and tops it all with a dark bow ($98 at Anthropologie):

Although I can’t recommend a 4-inch heel to anyone, I still love the pattern on these Pink heels ($78 at Anthropologie):

When it comes to floral shoes with an edge, however, I think these take the cake:

Paul Smith floral oxfords, oh my! $574 at Zappos.

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It seems that only yesterday we wrote about Alexander McQueen’s new spring collection, and now, lo and behold, you can get them at Zappos for a mere *cough* $714 *cough*:

When you walk, they seem to create a cool, shiny en-pointe optical illusion:

…though truth is, you probably need en-pointe walking skills, as these stilettos stand 4 1/4 inches high. A tall, shiny, elegant, and crippling order…

P.S.: I’d still like some of those socklets featured in the original post. Anyone know where to find them?

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Possible scenarios in which I would wear bicolor flat women’s oxfords a la this Tapeet by Vicini model ($499 at Zappos):

1. I am an extra in a remake of The Untouchables. In drag.

2. They are offered to me as a “designer rental” option at a bowling alley.

3. I was asked by a famous photographer to pose as a man so I can be featured in his next show (a la Charlotte in Sex and the City).

4. I have to choose between them or 6-inch hooker heels to fast-walk on cobbled streets in a charming mountain resort in Europe. I choose personal safety, but I’m not happy about it.

5. It’s Halloween, and I’m going as the Chicago cast.

6. I am part of the cast of a bizarre reality show in which I have to spend 10 million dollars in 1 hour. I buy everything on the Zappos website, and these are in the mix.

7. I am a model on the catwalk and that’s what a gender-bending transgressive designer wants me to wear.

8.  I have been hit in the head repeatedly and I have no sense of right, wrong, or style.

But really, I’m running out of options here. I am tapped out. I cannot think of any more respectable situations in which I could be persuaded to wear these. I’m sorry, flat oxford movement, but I’m guessing you’re not for me.

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Yellow is a hard color to pull off, especially when it’s on your shoes. I never owned yellow shoes, and I’m pretty sure that since the time I turned 12 I never wore anything yellow.

This spring, however, things are going to change. Yellow is big, and some of yellow shoes proposed by the designers are positively delightful. Every year I make one big shoe resolution–a couple of years ago it was throwing out my high heels; last year was buying more peep-toes; and this year, I think I’m going to make the leap to yellow.

I’m not sure what to choose though, especially when the choices are so varied!

Cynthia Vincent Sophie in black and yellow, 270 at Piperlime.

Kenneth Cole Button Up yellow suede flat, $120 at Piperlime.

Rafe Irina bow flat, $220 at Piperlime.

Dolce Vita Moritz peep-toe Mary Jane, $100 at Piperlime.

Frye Cameron skimmer, $148 at Piperlime.

AK Anne Klein Foxie, $89 at Piperlime.

Paul Green Vienna thong sandal, $219 at Zappos.

Kate Spade satin and crystals sandal, $299 at Zappos.

Gabriella Rocha Studio Cota, $109 at Zappos.

Franco Sarto Fancy, $89 at Piperlime.

Tory Burch Reva2, $195 at Plaza Too.

Chie Mihara Quake flat, $310 at Nordstrom.

…I’ll tell you what, I’m going to go and mull over this for a while…

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Valentine’s day is just around the corner, and just in case you’re not living in the frostbitten Northeast, case in which you might be forced to wear mukluks, may I suggest this charming Marc Jacobs flat to put a little lovey spring in your step?

Embroidered all-over with “love,” “amour,” “amore”–now, that’s a way to wear your cards on your sleeve…um, I mean, your shoe vamp!

The Marc Jacobs Lh Fab Ballet flat is $279 at Zappos.

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