Forever 21’s latest shoes are almost more than I can tolerate, and I’m used to walking in high heels. This baby is the current source of my ball of the foot, heel, heck everything, pain.

At $25, I figured this private torture chamber was more than disposable should it wreak too much havoc on my feet.

And I may just have to sell them to Buffalo Exchange or Beacon’s Closet, local resale shops.

The problem is not that they just hurt. The problem is that, despite that platform, I cannot actually walk in them. A few trots around the Forever 21 showroom, sure. Out on the town, with New York’s treacherously cracked, uneven sidewalks and pothole-strewn streets, I felt like I was in a game of Frogger.

I know the tricks to walking in high heels. But I literally almost fell twice on my birthday, and then I almost died during a recent rainy night out partying.

I can just see the headline: “YOUNG JOURNALIST PERISHES ON 30TH BIRTHDAY BECAUSE OF CHEAP, ERGONOMICALLY MISCALCULATED SHOES. Taxi driver says he thought woman was circus performer on stilts.”

I got quite a few compliments, especially when I jazzed them up with a chain from the hardware store as an adventurous anklet. But as much as they work the hotness-price ratio factor, they just aren’t worth it.

The following Forever 21 shoes were a little less severe. All are in the $25 range.

Where have you seen a very similar shoe before, readers? We’ve written about the inspiration for this one on our very blog.

Don’t you love how blatantly this looks like everyone’s favorite designer?

I tried on this cute boot, but sadly, the quality of the faux suede was not so great.

I am, however, loving Forever 21’s new Paris campaign. Cute!