…but they’re $900. Nina Ricci Lace-up vintage oxfords at eLuxury:

Finally, a pair of FLAT oxfords (I can’t wear the super high heels that this season’s oxfords come in) that I think looks good and has feminine flair and is, in a word, beautiful in a gender-neutral way, just the thing to wear at a congregation of, say, feminist academics, or of ridiculously hip hipsters.

But they’re $900, and last time I checked I still needed to pay the rent, and my soul is a black, tortured pit of despair, the end.