Ah, my terrible shoe puns. Just for laughs, thought you might want to see a funny shoe today.

Perenially outrageous, tasteless, naughty, funny Vice Magazine has a series called “Wear Dare” where friends dress one another horribly for kicks.

This is what I would make my best friend wear if we were on the challenge, a giraffe on one foot and maybe a pig on the other, although she loves pigs and thinks they’re adorable, so she might be okay with one foot. (When she was young, her mother asked her why she liked pigs so much and she famously said: “Because it looks like they’re wearing high heels!”)

On top, I think I would have my best friend wear an assortment of hot pink and animal prints. Maybe we would have to take it back to our childhood: a Hypercolor t-shirt with a leopard print jacket, a zebra print skirt, a wide alligator belt, neon scrunchies in her hair, neon scrunchy socks, a mink stole, a Davy Crockett fur hat and that hideous Coach bag that came out a while ago (the one pictured below looks like an imitation to me, but it’ll do), since my idea of a nightmare is someone who wears various animal prints at once. It’s an outfit destined somewhere between opera lady and bag lady!

Normally, this galpal and I love to get dressed up before heading out for an evening, but this would be mortifying and hilarious, and I don’t think I could get her out the door in this getup without some incentive. Pick us to do the next “Friends Don’t Let Friends Dress Friends,” Vice, and help us spice up our tasteful lives with some downright awful taste!

All right, bestie, I know you’re reading this, so what shoes and outfit would you have me wear? I’m bracing myself and ready for awfulness of a magnitude unknown to ShoeBlog readers thus far. Gold and fuschia high heels? Green vinyl thigh high boots? Clogs? Crocs? VANS???

And dear readers, what would you make your bestie wear if you were having fun for the night? I dare you to wear each other’s heinous taste picks in public!