Okay, the classic J. Crew mocs, shearling boots, Clarks Wallabees, Marc Jacobs for Vuitton’s Indian feather platforms, the Choo Bill boot and Sylvia shoe boot, and the Tory Burch Minnetonka-mimicking laceups that Shomore wrote about are okay in my book. Things are getting downright primeval on runways and since political correctness doesn’t matter in the world of fashion, I can say it’s fun. I might not be heavily investing in the Native American or aboriginal trends because they’re not my style, but I think it’s kind of cute (delusional, yes, because our culture is so far from native, but cute, especially the MJ for LV collection).

But the land of Trend Native America seems to be verging its embroidered, beaded self on another trend, one that I find slightly disturbing: Wear What Your Grandma Wears. No, not what she wore when she was a hot young thing. Wear What She Wears NOW. Laced-up orthopedic-looking oxfords that look more like nurses’ shoes than Come Hither Hello Nurses.

What is the deal with Grandma Chic? How do you weigh in on it? This is a trend I just can’t get down with. It makes me feel slightly nauseous. Dressing older for your age is just not something I think you need to do unless you are putting on old age makeup for a role in Arsenic and Old Lace or The Music Man.

While walking by Urban Outfitters in the Marina, I saw this. We knew this was coming from the Fall 2008 shows from designers like D&G, which featured frumpy cardigans and frilly high-necked blouses, but you know if it’s in Urban Outfitters it has reached the Ultimate Point of Commodification. Tell me if I’m wrong, but is that my grandmother’s attic that Urban Outfitters has accidentally dumped upon its table?

I don’t think that the shoes are awful in and of themselves, though they hardly inspire one iota of lustaceous shoe taxis in me. I think they’d be fine with a more sophisticated or polished outfit to balance them out, like a bowtie blouson with an airy silhouette and a pair of wide leg soft blue denims. But too much Grandma Chic in one outfit and you start looking like that girl in high school who lived at the local vintage shop and had nothing in her wardrobe beyond 1959. Please don’t be that girl this year, unless you were born in 1939.

For now, I’ll be sticking with the Prep School Cute (Urban Outfitters is also putting that trend in heavy rotation, of course, to cover all their bases). Penny loafers and a sassy blazer might remind me of my boarding school days, but I’d rather remember those days than think I see my grandma every time I look in the mirror. I’ll just skip the plaid kilt/miniskirt to maintain my dignity.

Luckily, if you insist on carrying a posey-embroidered grandma bag, you can match it with a structured minijupe, the Agent Provocateur Maitresse perfume on display, and these fierce gold or black bandage-booties for a little irony of the ages. And I wouldn’t wear a vintage heart locket or cameo necklace with that, unless it says “Fierce Grandma” on it.