To be completely honest with you, both of these booties kinda scare me. On the one hand, you have the fierce two-tone patent Yves Saint Laurent booties with a solid wood heel vaguely fashioned after a beating stick, and on the other, ominous-looking Givenchy peep-toe booties, ever-so-slightly reminiscent of a fat elephant’s trunk.

Can you imagine their dialog if they ever find themselves alone in a showroom together?

YSL: Hey, Dumbo. Whaaaaz happening?

Givenchy: Hey, who are you talking Dumbo, butt-stick?

YSL: You must spend a lot of time lacing up, lacing up, lacing up…

G.: Listen up, Pinocchio. You think you’re smart but you know what? You haven’t even got a peep-toe hole. That’s right. You’re soooo last season.

YSL: Hey, peep-show, see this patent tip? It has a lead core and it’s reinforced with industrial-grade rubber. You’re going to find that out the hard way when I step on your peeps.

G.: And you have yet to experience of the awesome fierceness of my 200-lb heels. Do you see this? Wait, let me turn around: is that better? I can crush you like a roach.

YSL: Awww. We should get married and have a small army of warrior-booties together.

….and I believe they lived happily ever after.