posted by: Shomore in Zappos on January 6th, 2009
Keep your hubby away from this post. Zappos just announced a limited edition “Cease and Desist” service and t-shirt. Zappos will permanently disable a significant other’s Zappos account for life and personally deliver the shirt (and message) for a whopping $50,000 (whew, I’m safe then). Here are the hilarious product details:
- Buy this rare collector’s t-shirt and we’ll make sure your significant other never shops at Zappos.com again! When you purchase this limited edition t-shirt, we will permanently disable your significant other’s Zappos.com account for the rest of his/her life.
- Within 30 days of purchase, a Customer Loyalty Team (“CLT”) representative from Zappos.com will arrive to the location of your choosing in the United States to break the news in person to your significant other.
- The CLT rep will also be a shoulder to cry on for up to 1 hour (60 minutes) for your significant other. As time permits, the CLT rep will also be available to share tears of joy with you.
- The CLT rep will be happy to frolic in a field of daisies with you or do anything that is mutually agreed upon to not be morally or ethically objectionable.
- Should you exceed your 1-hour time limit, additional time is available, billable to your credit card or PayPal at $3.99/minute. The CLT rep may elect at his/her discretion to barter his/her time, such as in exchange for a home-cooked meal or for permission to borrow your cat for up to 24 hours provided that the feline is returned in the condition it was received.
- Certain restrictions and disclaimers apply:
- Disclaimer 1: Zappos.com, Inc. is not responsible or liable if your significant other creates or uses another account using a different email address. It is your responsibility to monitor how many email accounts your significant other creates or uses.
- Disclaimer 2: Due to the incredible lifetime benefit of this product and service, we are unable to honor our standard 365-day return policy. Our 365-day return policy is valid only if you are permanently divorced or separated within 365 days. Any separation of less than 15 days, “taking a break”, or equivalent does not count. Should you remarry, get back together, or “realize that you made a mistake and can’t live without him/her”, you are no longer elig ible for a refund. If you have already been refunded, we will hunt you down for the $50,000 that you owe “the company”. Also, in the event you are eligible for a refund, please note that our free return shipping applies only to the t-shirt. (For example, please do not ship us your wife.)
- Disclaimer 3: Some people like to shop because they like nice things.
Some people like to shop because they want to be fashionable. And some people like to shop because they like to shop. We like all these people and will generally help them in any way possible. However, we can be bought for a price to make the shopping stop.
- 100% Cotton.
- Crew neck; short sleeve (regular fit).
- Official Zappos.com logo on the front.
- Machine wash cold; tumble dry medium.
- 5 Zappos.com account deactivation choices available: wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, or “it’s complicated”.
According to Zappos “the limited edition t-shirt is being introduced in early 2009 due to the tsunami of calls received in 2008 by the Zappos Customer Loyalty Team from spouses of loyal customers lamenting that the web site was causing relationship and financial distress.”
Now, this seems like a big publicity stunt (heck, I’m writing about it right?). I mean, can’t someone simply create another account using a new email address and a new mailing address? I also think that the price tag is hefty. I don’t think I would be able to spend that much on shoes in my lifetime. But then again, Zappos states that some of their top customers spend well over $10,000 annually on their site so maybe this will be a good return on someone’s invest in a few years. However, I’m sure that person will just shop elsewhere.
Although this ‘product’ can be insulting (especially for independent women) and slightly mean-spirited if any significant others actually purchase the item, I’m choosing to take this as a joke. I certainly had a few good chuckles over the Customer Reviews left behind. Here’s my favorite: “My account got shut off and my husband is now wearing this stupid t-shirt around the house and smiling all the time. At first I thought it was a joke but now that I realize I actually can’t buy anymore from Zappos.com. I’m devastated and have already been to therapy twice and it’s not helping!!!”